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Master Your Bliss Life
Welcome to Master Your Bliss Life Podcast. No topic is off-limits as we talk all things magical, mysterious, and mundane in life. It is our mission to help you master your purpose and find your bliss.
Master Your Bliss Life
Ep.56- Responsible Compulsions
In this episode, Kiera and Lia discuss responsible compulsions and how to cultivate healthy habits that make you feel accomplished, contributing to your future well-being. They emphasize the importance of discipline and routine and ensure your habits align with your values and goals. Whether you're looking to start a new habit or improve an existing one, this episode includes insights into goal stacking, channeling your reckless energy, and learning to embrace spontaneity. Future You deserves to be set up for success, so tune in to master the discipline needed to make that happen.
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Hosts: Kiera Masters and Lia Bliss
Kiera on LinkedIn and Instagram
Podcast Manager: Kimberly Smith
Find Lia’s book here: Everything Is Your Fault by Lia Bliss
Intro:
You’re listening to Master Your Bliss Life. Join Kiera Masters and Lia Bliss as they dive into the magical, mysterious, and mundane elements of life, helping you to master your purpose and find your bliss.
Kiera
Doin’ my own damn thing.
Lia
Doin’ my own damn thing. Livin’ my own damn life.
Kiera
I do what I want.
Lia
I do what I want. What an interesting concept to bring in this topic today.
Kiera
Yes, yes.
Lia
I do what I want. Now, I had a fascinating conversation with one of my siblings. Who said something to me to the effect of, “Wow, it’s so cool that you’re the type of person that can create habits. I can’t make habits at all.” And I was like, Hold up hold up hold up.
Kiera
Huh?
Lia
Hold up hold up. Of course you have habits. Like, bad habits are easy.
Kiera
Yep. Good habits are harder.
Lia
But we drilled it down because it’s, because the habit of making my bed, eating, you know, 100 grams of protein, going to the gym, washing my face at night, doing you know, making sure I get all my work stuff done… those aren’t compulsions. I don’t wake up in the morning and lose control of my body. “I must make my bed.” Like, that’s OCD.
Kiera
Yeah.
Lia
And there’s a difference – Kiera, as a person who lives delightfully with OCD – there’s a big difference between a habit and a compulsion.
Kiera
Yep, there is.
Lia
And it comes down to like motivation, too, right? Like, the habit of waking up at six, making my bed, putting on my gym clothes, going to workout for 45 minutes, drinking my water, right? Taking my supplements, writing my goals for the day. Those things are habits because I’ve done them for a long time. And, I am not, I don’t feel compulsed, I don’t feel like I have to. I don’t get anxiety and it’s not involuntary.
Kiera
Yeah.
Lia
It’s 100% voluntary. I could choose not to do those things. But I know that when I don’t do those things, I am less happy.
Kiera
It throws off your day.
Lia
It throws off my whole day. This morning, I, so I went on a date last night, and I didn’t get to bed until midnight, which is very late for me. The date didn’t start until 9:30, that’s when I’m usually in bed.
Kiera
In bed.
Lia
Wow, what a trip. I had two glasses of wine, don’t know how I handled myself. Got home at midnight, went to sleep, woke up at 6:30, and I did not go to the gym, I did not make my bed, I did not get my daily clothes on, I did not do any of the things that normally set up my day for success. And so, come 11 o’clock, I just was like, literally wandering around my house like, “What should I be doing?”
Kiera
It throws it off.
Lia
It throws it off.
Kiera
If you miss just one thing, and it’s like, Ok.
Lia
And there is room to be flexible there, right? Like, ok, maybe I don’t hit all of my things. On a perfect day, yes. Wake up, pre workout, go to the gym, wake up Marshall, take him to school, listen to the motivational podcasts on the way, come back, get my coffee, get my protein shake, sit down to work, like I’m ready for the day. At night, doing stretches, making right? My to-do list, one thing I have to do every night is write my tomorrow’s to-do list. It sets my day up for success. If I miss one of those things, if I don’t go to the gym, or if there’s no school that day, we can work within the parameters of that morning and evening routine.
Kiera
Improvise.
Lia
But, the days where you miss your alarm and you just fling out of bed, and you’re like, Wha? Wha? And you have no plan, no idea, no expectation, and no habits or routines set in, you are setting yourself up for pure chaos. Pure chaos. And so, it’s not compulsory. I definitely choose to do these things every day, because they make my life easier.
Kiera
It makes your life easier, everything goes smooth.
Lia
It keeps me from having anxiety, it keeps me from being stressed, and I think it’s the compliation – I was talking to this guy I’m dating. He, it’s been so fun because we have identified each other as social accountability partners for specific goals for the month of April. And so, I’ll kind of check in, be like, “Hey, how’s your goals? Like, I know what you said your goals were, what were they going to be. Here’s my goals, check in with me.” And he, even on the days when it’s like, “I don’t feel like it. I had really stressful dreams. I’m feeling overwhelmed. I think I’m, like I’m pre-burnout, and so I know I need to take a rest day.” Still the things, it’s like, I don’t want to kick the can further down the road. I want to take care of future Lia.
Kiera
Yes.
Lia
Future Lia doesn’t want to have to make up for me taking a full day off for all of these things. Future Lia doesn’t want to have to make up the lost time and energy. Now, do I need to be operating at 100%, 100% of the time?
Both
No.
Kiera
Not at all.
Lia
Not at all. I can, I think you sent me something once that was like, Giving 100% means giving 100% of what you have available that day. If that’s 10%, and that’s all you have available, and you gave that 10%...
Kiera
Then you gave 100% of what you had.
Lia
Yes! And that’s where habits vs. compulsion, that’s where habits vs. discipline, that’s where habits vs. priorities, and goals, and all these things. It all comes down to, are you making efforts every day toward your goals and doing things that are going to set up tomorrow you for a better place. And a podcast.
Kiera
That’s done.
Lia
Mic drop. Mic drop.
Kiera
No. No, like you were saying, the compulsive stuff is more like OCD stuff. And I definitely have my habits, but I do have my OCD things that I’m like, I’ve got to get that done or I’m going to go crazy. I have to do it.
Lia
Right. It’s a compulsion.
Kiera
Yeah.
Lia
There’s a huge difference.
Kiera
Or if I don’t do it a certain way, it’s going to drive me crazy.
Lia
Yes. Yes, you’re compelled to do things. I don’t really have OCD.
Kiera
I was going to say, do you have anything OCD?
Lia
No, not that I… it’s hard because I think that, at least, I, when I hear OCD, when I think about that idea, I think a lot about cleanliness. Like, that’s the first thing that I think of. Like, OCD people are not always clean people, but somehow I’ve made that association in my mind, which is not true.
Kiera
Yeah, because I’m very clean and I’m OCD.
Lia
Yes.
Kiera
That’s one of the things I’m OCD about, is being clean.
Lia
Yes, I am not OCD about cleanliness. I have no problem with things being left a certain way, and I always, and I’m hyper aware, because one of my boyfriends is OCD about clean. And he, we…
Kiera
He and I are two peas in a pod.
Lia
You are the same.
Kiera
Like, if we moved in together and we were roommates, it would totally work out perfectly.
Lia
Perfectly.
Kiera
We probably load the dishwasher the same.
Lia
I know. Him and I toyed with the idea of moving in together, not romantically, but whatever. And I had to write up a contract being like, I agree to adhere to the cleanliness standards that you have preset. Because they are not my standards. I don’t live in filth.
Kiera
No, you don’t.
Lia
But I just, I don’t, there’s, I’m not compelled to do anything.
Kiera
I have been trying to work on little things like that, because little things like that, that I’m OCD or compelled to do, sometimes throws off my habits of the things that I want to do. And then therefore I am more stressed. And it’s like, which one is going to like, so I’ve been trying, one of my OCD things is like, I don’t want shit in the sink. Like, you clean it, you wash it, you put it aside, you put it in the dishwasher, whatever you do. I don’t want it piling in the sink. It drives me crazy. And I still don’t want it piling in the sink, but if you go down to my kitchen right now, there are a few bowls and a cup, and I walked in from the gym and got back home and looked in there and I was like, Eeeek. Like I kinda got like…
Lia
Right?
Kiera
I gotta do those now, but I’ve got to do a podcast… you know what? It’ll be fine.
Lia
It’ll be fine.
Kiera
It’ll be fine. It can sit there until later. It’s ok, walk away.
Lia
See? And that’s, yes. There’s a big difference between, I have a habit of making sure all the dishes are clean before I go to bed every night, and, If I see a dish in the sink I must clean it immediately regardless of what other responsibilities I may have at that time. That’s a difference between compulsion and habit.
Kiera
So I’m working on that. And so, now I’ve been working on it to the point where it’s like, if it’s in the sink during the day, I haven’t gotten to it yet because I have other things that I would like to get done. This is not as important. I get it done at the end of the day. And so, at the end of the day, dishwasher’s loaded, started, everything’s clean and put away.
Lia
Right, and that’s all that matters.
Kiera
But it used to be that I constantly just had to be like, K I gotta clean this right now, and it didn’t matter how it threw off anything else. Until I realized it threw off everything else. And then it gave me more anxiety.
Lia
And then it spirals.
Kiera
And then it’s a constant struggle.
Lia
Yep. Interesting. I’m trying to think what I’m, if I have any compulsions for things. I’m, so, another thing that we talked about, as I’ve been talking about this idea of compulsion and habits, is the difference between compulsion and spontaneity. Because I do have spontaneity.
Kiera
Yes.
Lia
The other day, I don’t remember what happened yesterday. Something, I got done with work and I was, I don’t know, I was sad. I was having a sad girl day. And I was like, what should I do? Like, it’s always really hard for me the time, the day after I don’t have my son. So like, I didn’t have Marshall all day yesterday. Which is fine in the morning. I’m busy, I have tasks, I’m on work meetings, I’m doing things. But then about 4:00 hits.
Kiera
When things slow down.
Lia
And I’m just like, It is four o’clock. I could clean my house again. Like, last weekend, I got out, I was down with a scrub brush on my baseboards. I did the whole thing. I like sold a bunch of stuff online.
Kiera
I’m not that OCD about clean.
Lia
No, and I’m not either. My baseboards haven’t been cleaned in probably a year. I scrubbed them.
Kiera
Yeah.
Lia
But, I was like, Life can’t just be doing chores and making money. And then I was like, What should I do? And then out of nowhere, spontaneously, I was like, I’m going to go to the thrift store right now. And so I did that. And it was spontaneous. Was I compelled to do it? No, but it was an idea that I had that I wanted to act on immediately.
Kiera
Yep.
Lia
Usually for me it’s when I feel, I don’t know if I’m OCD. This is what I think I have. I have… I’ve never, so trigger warning. Self harm. I’ve never actually done physical self-harm in the sense of like cutting, or I guess self-harm in that way. Dating irresponsible men, yeah, self harm.
Kiera
Yes.
Lia
That’s a form of self harm. But I can feel sometimes when I’m anxious or stressed that I will have this impulse – and maybe it’s a compulsion – to do something reckless or self harming. I’m like, well that’s not good.
Kiera
This is not healthy. Take a step back.
Lia
Right? Back in the olden days, back in the before-times, there was often it would be like, livin’ fast and lose, right? Going on dates with people I had no interest in being, getting attention or doing things, like reckless things with my own personal health. Now, it’s like, I’m going to get my nails a quarter inch longer than I normally get them because I’m wilding out. But when I feel that coming up I’m like, Ok I know that if I’m feeling the urge, the compulsion to be like reckless, right? Whether it’s spend a bunch of money I don’t have and put myself back financially. That is self harm.
Kiera
Yeah.
Lia
Or shaving my head. I would consider that self harm at this point. It’s a beautiful look on a lot of people, but for me, I would regret it.
Kiera
You would immediately regret it.
Lia
I would immediately regret it and that would, it would just be to get that rush. Right? And so, I have found at times that I’m like, I need to be spontaneous with something, I will color my hair. I, a lot of my tattoos have been of that. Where it’s like, I need to do something. I just need to feel something. Go to the thrift store, excellent.
Kiera
Trying to make it more of a positive experience than an immediate regret afterwards is the difference.
Lia
I did regret my nails afterwards. I did.
Kiera
You did?
Lia
Immediately after I was like, These are too long. And I had to file them back down. I regretted it. Cost me way too much money for that. But, it’s like, instead of being compelled to do things that are going to throw us off our routines. That are going to hurt us in one way or another, right? I don’t know if it’s the full moon, I don’t know what triggers it. It’s probably stress, but like.
Kiera
I would say it’s definitely stress.
Lia
Right? That’s like…
Kiera
Or boredom.
Lia
Boredom. Or when, it’s things like when you’re like, I’m feeling Ahhhh self harm. And you eat too much or nothing. Right? You spend a bunch of money you don’t have.
Kiera
Or you toss back like three shots in a row or drinking a whole bottle of wine.
Lia
Right, drinking in excess. Pretty much anything in excess, right? Spending money, any kind of substances, literal self harm. Like, physical pain. I just turn that into tattoos because then I like, right? Cuz then you get to have a beautiful thing that is on your body. I gotta show you the next one that I want to get. It’s so cool.
Kiera
I haven’t gotten one in a long time and I am overdo. I haven’t gotten one since before I got pregnant with my son. But, that is definitely something that I would do when I had that like thought of like needing a rush and like…
Lia
The impulse.
Kiera
Yeah, the impulse. I would call my tattoo artist and just when can you get me in I need this soon. Let’s go. And if he couldn’t get me in, I would go somewhere random and get it done.
Lia
Right?
Kiera
Oh that’s beautiful.
Lia
I have gotten so many random walk-in basement scratcher tattoos.
Kiera
I love it.
Lia
It’s a sword through a rose. Or like a dagger I guess? But I want the hilt to sit right at the base of my wrist and have it point down towards my elbow, and kind of sit in this space right here. I think that would be so pretty. Or maybe the other way. Point down? I don’t know. I don’t know.
Kiera
You’ll figure it out when you get there.
Lia
We’ll figure it out when we get there. Also, we’re getting best friend tattoos.
Kiera
Yes.
Lia
We decided this.
Kiera
Lia randomly messaged me and was like, Um so, before I decide to up and move and leave and start my life over, we need to get tattoos together. I was like, Ok.
Lia
Ok.
Kiera
What did you say? It was like sending, not sending you off, but…
Lia
Oh, like a going away present.
Kiera
Yeah, like a going, yeah.
Lia
A going away present, I would like us to get matching friendship tattoos.
Kiera
I was like, Ok done. And she sent me one that was like wine glasses. I’m like, But I don’t drink wine. And she’s like, Well, we can’t get a can of vissy.
Lia
Right?
Kiera
Or White Claws.
Lia
We can’t get White Claw tattoos together. That’s not cool.
Kiera
I was like, Well that is definitely not one I would get.
Lia
That’s not classy. Babe. So, send me your ideas for the greatest best friend tattoos. But, here’s the thing. I’m so picky. Because I looked on pinterest and I saw all the ones, and it was like, one gets the peanut butter side, one gets the jelly side. I’m like, No that’s tacky as fuck. No offense to anyone but, that does not fit my aesthetic.
Kiera
No. Not mine either.
Lia
I feel like we could both get this sword with the rose, cuz it kinda goes with your wolf tattoo.
Kiera
Actually, it does. But, everything on my left arm is for me. Everything on my right arm is for family and friends and everybody I care about. So, it would have to be on my right arm.
Lia
Ooo, we could get it in the same place on the inside, cuz you’ve got that fancy little fleur de li on the outside. It could be great. Oh, and it looks this.. Oh my God. That’s it.
Kiera
Perfect. Decided.
Lia
Decided. Look, see, we’re making progress in our lives. Compulsive progress. But is it a compulsion if you plan it ahead of time? I don’t think so.
Kiera
No. No, it’s not.
Lia
But, yes.
Kiera
It was a compulsion of like we’re going to go do this.
Lia
It was a compulsion that we are going to do this, but now we’ve thought about it, so it’s not really a compulsion.
Kiera
Yeah, yes.
Lia
It’s, it comes down to, yes there are things that we feel, whether it’s OCD or just general compulsions to move, to change, to move energy. I think that’s really what it is for me, I feel a lot of this energy build up in me and I’m like, I gotta get it out somehow. I gotta do something. Going to the gym, I sometimes avoid that when I feel it burn up inside me. I’m like, I could go to the gym and run this out, and I’m like, It would take five minutes at a dead sprint for me to be like I’m fucking over this. I don’t feel it anymore. It would not be a long workout.
Kiera
No.
Lia
It would be three and a half minutes on the stair stepper.
Kiera
That’s usually my thing though, is I usually go to they gym. I’m like when I get that feeling that I need for a rush or a release.
Lia
Yeah.
Kiera
It’s usually the gym for me, these days. And I’m like, I’ve gotta go to my job.
Lia
Gotta go. I.
Kiera
Because I think a lot of mine is stress-induced.
Lia
Yes.
Kiera
I’m not bored very often. I’ve got a lot of shit going on. Lots of kids, lots of dogs, work.
Lia
See and, not me. I’m the opposite. Sometimes I’ll just pace around my house like, What should I do? And I don’t, and I feel… I have this perception of the world where I’m like, I don’t need to be productive just for the sake of being productive. And so, I’ll pace around my house like, What do I, and I’ll talk outloud to myself. I did it today even, I think. I was walking around and I was like, What do I need to do to feel better? Like, drink some more water? Have a Sprite? That was going to be my wilding out. Middle of the day. Have a Sprite. Drink some water. Maybe I should eat something. Do I need a nap? Do I need to clean something? Do I just need to get one thing on my to-do list done to get the ball rolling to get more things done? That’s been it a lot lately. I’ll get into work and it’s just like, I don’t wanna.
Kiera
I don’t wanna do it.
Lia
Or it’s just tasks. You know when, I see these things it’s like, I’ve been dreading this task for three weeks and then I did it and it took me fifteen minutes and I will learn nothing from this.
Kiera
Yep.
Lia
It’s like, Ok, one ten-minute task is all you have to do. Get in the habit of just doing one thing and then it will run you into the habit of doing the rest of the things. It’s called habit stacking.
Kiera
Habit stacking.
Lia
Which is different from compulsion.
Kiera
Yes.
Lia
Because I am not compelled to live a healthy life. If I got to do, we started this episode by saying, I do what I want.
Kiera
I do what I want.
Lia
I do what I want. If I got to “do what I want” all the time…
Kiera
You would not be where you are right now.
Lia
No, and…
Kiera
We used to live that way. In our twenties.
Lia
In our, yeah. When I was poor and sad.
Kiera
Yes. And why were we poor? Because of those decisions.
Lia
Because we just do whatever we wanted. I don’t want to go to work today. That sounds dumb. I’d rather go lay in the pool.
Kiera
Shopping.
Lia
Go shopping. If I could do whatever I wanted, I would lay out at the beach, and then I would get bored in one hour and then I would go get a cocktail. And then I would be like, I wish I didn’t do that because now I want to go ride bicycles but now I had alcohol and I don’t feel like riding bicycles but I really want to. And then I would go adopt a dog. And then I would, like, if we just lived off of compulsions alone?
Kiera
Yes, if that was something, that’s one of the things I probably would do if I lived off my compulsions, I would have a farm of dogs.
Lia
A farm.
Kiera
A farm.
Lia
Dalmation plantation.
Kiera
Yeah, for sure. Cuz I would just adopt every single puppy or dog that I saw that needed a home.
Lia
Yes.
Kiera
I don’t even know, like, I would need a farm.
Lia
But I also would not feel compelled to train them or take care of them. I would just want them. Just the dopamine rush of getting it. Like, Oh my gosh this is mine now, this is so great. Now never speak to me again, leave me alone and go take care of yourself. Right? If I had the choice. Because, I don’t want to be responsible, but I do want to be responsible. Because of the way it makes me feel. I love being responsible. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel happy.
Kiera
Me too.
Lia
It makes me feel accomplished. It gives me pride in myself. And so I do my habits because of the way it makes me feel. And I like feeling better about myself through a sense of accomplishment and routine. And because future Lia deserves the best life ever. And so, I’m going to work hard for her.
Kiera
Yeah.
Lia
Amazing.
Kiera
I have adopted the being responsible. I mean, I kinda got kicked into it with having a child. I was just kind of living the wild life and being like, whatever. Then I got pregnant and I had a kid and I was like, Oh. But now that I’ve had one I’m like, Oh I like this feeling. Why didn’t I do this a while ago?
Lia
Yes.
Kiera
It was being responsible, taking care of myself. It feels great.
Lia
It’s so great. Like, wash my face every day? Yes. A seven step skincare routine? Love this.
Kiera
That is one thing I haven’t gotten into yet. But I need to. It’s fine.
Lia
Oh my gosh, um Rihanna’s everything. Everything that Rihanna ever does or ever will do, I will give her all my money. I have all of her makeup, all of her skincare, and all of her lingerie . Did I spend $200 on lingerie last week?
Kiera
Yes, she did.
Lia
Yes. Do I have anywhere to use it? Nope.
Kiera
You will.
Lia
For my own damn self.
Kiera
The time will come.
Lia
The time will come. I do, I guess my compulsion is I love buying high end lingerie and Calvin Kline dresses.
Kiera
This is very true.
Lia
Those are the things that I… do I wear either of those things? No. I wear sweats every day.
Kiera
She sees it, she gets it.
Lia
I see it, I like it, I want it, I bought it.
Kiera
Yep.
Lia
Ariana Grande style. But. But, I only buy them on sale. And I don’t go crazy. And I make sure that I’m not negatively impacting my longterm financial goals to get said Calvin Kline dresses.
Kiera
She does it responsibly.
Lia
Responsibly. Some responsible compulsions.
Kiera
Yes.
Lia
That’s what we’ll call this episode. Perfect.
Kiera
Responsible compulsions. I love it.
Lia
Yes. How to have enough discipline that you can even make your compulsions responsible. Love it.
Kiera
Perfect. Love it.
Lia
So proud of us. Adulting wins. Go team, go.
Kiera
High five.
Lia
K, find us on Instagram, find us on LinkedIn, find us on Patreon. Check out Lunar Herbals for morning and evening routines. Their Elixir of Love, speaking of lingerie, the Elixir of Love, whew! Love that shit.
Kiera
Those two you will mix together.
Lia
One day when it stops snowing and I get to see my boyfriends, then those things will happen. But, until then. Until then, I’ll just keep buying lingerie for me.
Kiera
There you go. You’ll use them.
Lia
K, I love you long time, see you real soon.
Kiera
Bye.
Ending:
You have been listening to Master Your Bliss Life. Make sure to check out the show notes for any relevant links and follow Kiera and Lia on Instagram and LinkedIn.