Ep.67- Know Yourself, Know Your Truth with Autumn Kunz

In this episode, Lia is joined by her captivating guest, Autumn Kunz, and together they take us on a profound journey of self-discovery and relationship redefinition. They delve into the power of knowing our own truth, how it shapes our interactions and the significance of conscious and intentional relationships. Autumn unveils the missing foundational knowledge in society, allowing us to understand the essence of friendships, parent-child bonds, and romantic partnerships beyond pre-arranged constructs.

Discover the mind-blowing connection between not feeling enough and our sense of entitlement. Autumn reminds us that secure relationships come from knowing and respecting our truth, fostering an environment of love, admiration, and respect. Remember, you are enough and deserve love and fulfilling relationships! Tune in now for this empowering episode of the Master Your Bliss Life Podcast.

This episode is sponsored by BeeHive Buds CBD, where you can find natural wellness products to support your bliss life. BeeHive Buds CBD on Instagram 

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Host: Lia Bliss on LinkedIn and Instagram

Guest: Autumn Kunz 

Jordan on Instagram

Find Lia’s book here: Everything Is Your Fault by Lia Bliss

Podcast Manager: Kimberly Smith

Transcript

You’re listening to Master Your Bliss Life. Join Lia Bliss as she dives into the magical, mysterious, and mundane elements of life, helping you to master your purpose and find your bliss..

Autumn:

… a lot to say about relationships.

Lia:

She's a lot to say on the topic. We love this. Autumn's joining me here. The fabulous, the famous I've talked about you on this podcast a zillion times, Miss Autumn. And you're joining me from a park. I can see on your video that you're in a beautiful outdoor park. Are you in your backyard, or are you in a park? 

Autumn:

I'm just in my backyard. 

Lia

It looks like a park. That's how beautiful your life is. Your life looks like the park. Great. We love this. Best life ever. You and I met because your husband told me I had bad posture. – Mhmm. – At an event. We, I would it was like a rave, but it was more of like a if it's like a farmer's market and a rave had a baby, that's what it was. It was a super fun event, and I went with my now ex-fiance. And you guys had some fabulous CBD just supplements and all these things. So you run a women's-owned CBD company.

Autumn:

Mhmm.

Lia:

And it's fantastic. If you live in Utah, it's Beehive Budz, CBD. I take it all the time. I have a jar in my purse all the time. I rub it on my body, and jest it in my body. I embody it. It's fabulous. And then we you and I didn't actually meet for, like, a year or more after that.

Autumn:

Yeah. The first time I remember meeting you was at an art…

Lia:

a -- It was like a black ice matter. I think it was Black History event.

Autumn:

It was…

Lia:

And the boys were playing basketball.

Autumn:

Hardin Paints. Hardin Paints. Yeah. A local a local cause. And and I ran into you there doing I was just, like, helping out with a booth for a cannabis clinic and I ran into you and well, it’s funny, Tyson wasn't even with me. And I had seen you, and I was like, I didn't know who you were. And then Tyson came over, and he's like, that's Lia. Did you say hi to Lia? I'm like, who the fuck is Lia? 

Lia:

Yeah. Who who is this bitch? And I remember that he so this is the this is tell me if I'm telling this story, right, that he was like, she's awesome. Super authentic, meaning me. Thanks, Tyson, for me. You guys should be friends. You should meet. You guys should do events. There should be a collaboration here. And then you saw that I was white. Yeah. And you were like, Uhhhh.

Autumn:

No. No. No. Let's let's rephrase that. I saw that you were white with blonde hair in a summer dress.

Lia:

Yeah. I was I was living my Barbie dream life at that time. I was living in Derby Greenville. And it was like, oh, is that really a person? 

Autumn:

Like, you told me you wanna you told me you wanted me to hang out with Lia. She's white. Tyson doesn't tell me to hang out with white people. No. I'm just kidding. I'm he's not racist against white people. 

Lia:

Not in that sense, but in the sense that, like, where we live, there is and above average I mean, stereotypes are for a reason, right, because you operate in this world of, like, community building and alternative medicine and all of these things. And on a general overgeneralized statement that, like, Botox Blondes aren't going to be able to get into, like, their deep feelings or have the same community building aspirations as both you and I have experienced. So whether or not the generalization is true, the truth is in America

Autumn:

It's a thing. It's a thing. Right? Like, I I like to say it's a thing. Like, whether we can we don't want to stereotype. We don't want to, you know, create bias. And in in my reality, it's a thing. It's a thing where I don't fit in to many rooms. Absolutely.

Lia:

Right. And I mean, judge judging people by the way they look is at first glance a terrible thing to do, but also we have to judge situations and people, especially as women, like, based on our safety. Am I going to be safe a mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually with this person, and you do have to make judgments to make sure that you're not in unsafe environments. So There was a higher than there was above. There was a more than 0% chance that I would be a person that you would be unsafe with mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, whatever.

Autumn:

Right. Well and for me, it's more I think that instead of safety, I would use the term resonant. – Sure. – because Tyson has Tyson has a reputation for really kind of like feeling in the resonance. like, before I know, something's not for me. A lot of the time Tyson would get, and I didn't think I didn't think that now. It's the vibe check. And so I take it seriously when when he when he's like, hey. You need to work with this person. That's not something that, like, comes out of his mouth a lot. and upon first glance, I was like, is this the Lia he's talking about? Absolutely. And I think that just goes to show, like, we can, it's important to listen to to the the judgments of the ego. Right? And we all have judgement I don't care how ascended you are. You know, like, oh divine one. Come to me that doesn't have judgment. Yeah.

Lia:

And again, we all have judgment because we all have a portion of our ego that still exists, and it's not always necessarily a bad thing.

Autumn:

No. We have to listen to that and and witness it from a state of not being it. Like -- Yes. – Like like, oh, this is interesting. Let's curious. So why do I you know? And in my case, I was just like, okay, this is interesting. You know? Not to say that I don't work with white women, but white and blonde is a thing.

Lia

In Utah, especially.

Autumn

And, again, I I'm not I've nothing against blond haired women, but in my experience, I I I can't think of many relationships where, me, white, me blonde hair and blue eyes have, like, had much in common where I live in in in the areas that I operate in the fields that I operate. Let’s just say that.

Lia:

Yep. So just from your experiences, it was something that was out of the norm. – Mhmm. – And then we met and became best friends, and we had, like, these transcendent experiences together. And…

Autumn:

We started doing circles. We brought it to the circle, and we were like, woah. We started…

Lia:

Yes. We're really getting into the deep emotional work, but I think this all brings to the topic, the point is this reexamining of relationships that we have with ourselves, with our tribe, and our community with our loved ones, with our romantic partners, with our children, and re re because There's so much pressure. And you and I have talked about this where even for myself, I have had this kind of sense of -- the supposed tos. The I'm supposed to. This is how it's supposed to be. The societal structure of how relationships should work and where I really wanted to follow that precut path of, This is what a romantic relationship looks like and how all the steps are among all the definitions are. This is how a friendship should look. This is how parent child relationship should look. And we've really dug into reexamining all of that programming. Right? What what does friendship mean? What is a relationship? Why are these terminologies being used where we are expected or expect of ourselves and those people in these relationships with us to operate under this pre arranged construct of how it's supposed to go.

Autumn:

Yeah. Absolutely. Well, you know, the irony of this situation is you were, someone who came in really early on, and what you did actually was put your foot in your mouth about something big in my life where a relationship that I needed to re examine And the irony of this is she had blond hair and blue eyes.

Lia:

I don't know if I put my foot in my mouth. I just spoke some very uncomfy truths. 

Autumn:

Well, that's what I'm saying. Like, essentially, like, early on in in our friendship when there wasn't necessarily, like, – Safety. Or -- Pillow. Yeah. It we weren't at the pillow talk phase yet, baby. You, like, straight up, we're like, yeah. So what's with this relationship? you know, like, like, essentially, 

Lia

This woman in your life. 

Autumn

Like, if you were trying to be my friend, as a you you threw me off in a few ways, you know, because as I didn't expect that from you. –Yeah.--  Right? You you outed another one of your kind and and, you know, the irony of all this is is now, you know, I'm I'm in this place where, relationships are really fucking clear to me. I am in really good relationship with myself. I'm in really good relationship with, my partner. I am in really good relationship with my children and my community, and my inner circle, my network, my tribe, and my network. You know, you talk a lot about. You have your network. Like, these are your people. Your work your work peeps, and I would say you're, like, recreational peeps. Like, I would throw a little bit of recreation in there. – A little bit. – I know that I, like, go climb with aren't necessarily in my inner circle. Do you know what I mean? Or people that I go, like, yoga with. 

Lia:

Oh, sure. Sure. Sure. Where it's, like, this is a it's so far in the outer circle that it almost lands in the network where it's like, I they're just they just happen to be here while I do the thing that I wanna do. Not necessarily people I choose to go do things with.

Autumn:

Yeah. Sometimes. Yeah. I would say it can it can fall in that, but, you know, I've I've been getting really clear and really seeing in a lot of the clients that I work with and even in my personal relationships, that relationship, being in relationship and knowing what relationship is and how to exist in relationship consciously and determining your values, your resonance, in relationship really is a foundational piece that I think society is missing, and it's like really like kindergarten type material that we're missing. Yeah. Because it it's very there's very basic structure to relationships that I think a lot people don't understand when they leave the house at 18. And, you know, in psychology, we have this term good enough parents. There's no perfect parents. Right? And all parents have flaws, and they all -- Yes. -- in some way, fuck up their children intentionally, unintentionally, consciously, unconsciously, you know, just by giving your kids your DNA if you haven't fully healed your generational trauma. Like, you literally fucking them up just by birthing them. Right? So there's this term good enough parents, you know? And, ultimately, what it means is that when you leave the home, you are in secure attachment. You know who you are. you have an idea. Maybe you don't, like, have it dialed in, but, like, you know who you are, and you feel safe going and being in the world as you are.

Lia:

Yes. I think that most people don't have that. From my experiences, and we can only teach from our own experiences. My own experience -- 1. 4. – Oh, we got babies on the podcast. We love this. Marshall was trying to chime in before too.

Autumn:

What's that, bro?

Lia:

So what's important is that we recognize that most people don't leave their home with this self awareness. They don't know who they are. I was talking to people yesterday. -- about one of his exes and that she had grown up in a strict religious home,. and got married at 18, and really stopped evolving emotionally after that. Really? 

Autumn:

Oh, yes. That happens a lot here. That's, like, I would say a thing. 

Lia:

A thing. It's a thing that happens where you you leave the home, but it's this going from living with your parents to living with your spouse with very little break in between, and that because your identity starts with your parents and they tell you who you are and what your roles are. And in a good structured home, there are clear boundaries and roles that each of us play.

Autumn:

Right. The internal family systems are clear. Yes. And and safe.

Lia:

Yes. And then you jump right over into a a cis-het marriage. Right? This is just for the Straits. But right. This mostly happens with, like, cis-gendered pedara women that get married at 18, to men. And there's no real gap in between figuring out who they are. Now Some women have the opportunity to while evolving that marriage also evolve themselves. It can be done.

Autumn:

Yes. I have seen some and I think it help it's helpful if their partner is supportive and conscious of that. Right? Like, if if they're entering and I just don't you know, some eighteen year olds, maybe they're there. but I wasn't there anymore. 

Lia:

I was not there. 

Autumn:

I was not there at 20. I wasn't there at 25. No. Hell, I would even go as far to say as I wasn't there, you know, when I had my first child. 

Lia:

Yeah. I don't think that I found that until after my son was born. For sure. That truest sense of self. the whole having a kid thing, I think there's that's the whole next level. Like, you may be totally there. And then you have a baby and you have to refigure that out because that adds a whole new dynamic to the sense of self for women having a --

Autumn:

Well, it's it's much essence and pet presence. You know, it's a whole another phase of human growth and development. Mhmm. You basically repeat what y'all what you just went through. – Yes. Yes. – Because you because you watch you watch it. You get to it's like going through your own human growth and development and then being the foundation of of another being's human growth and development. It's like there's a part of development that you go through as a parent that you just don't go through otherwise. There's no way you can get there. There's no way you can get the psychological development of what comes with her ahead without having children. 

Lia:

Right. And having it or not having it is it's not like women who have children are more evolved. It's just a different level. It's a different type. It's a whole different realm. If, like, figuring out who you are is a room in a house, figuring out who you are as a mother is a completely different room. And if you never make that room, that's also fine. Right? If you don't wanna have children, you can become a fully actualized person that gets -- Oh, yeah. -- whole spectrum of, like, their own psychological needs. That's That's acceptable and and possible and more than possible, probable. But for women who do not have the safety and opportunity, When they turn 18 and then enter a romantic relationship to continue the path of self development where they're thrust into motherhood or they're just not encouraged to grow, and it's a role that they need to fill and they are partitioned in. So my friend was telling me about this woman that it wasn't until she was in her late thirties early early forties that they got divorced, having many, many children and now reentering the dating world to try to reengage in a romantic relationship the psychology of her ability to do so is still stuck at where she was at 18.

Autumn:

Yeah. That is a thing. 

Lia:

That's a thing that happens. 

Autumn:

And, you know, I think that even people who have been in the dating world for a really long time don't know how to people who have had multiple partnerships or multiple marriages, or they've been dating for 10 years,

Lia:

It's me.

Autumn:

They don't they don't know how to have we don't know as a society how to relate. You know, and I think that that it, there's this thing that I feel and see and experience in in people, you know, the type of work I do, I'm I'm getting really into the root of of where people's actions are coming from. and and the stories that are told in those spaces to to keep to keep the programs running. Right? Like, there has to be a current story to keep the program running. And it's so interesting in the unraveling of those stories, how often we get to the root of not enoughness. And so it's like the not enoughness on the collective level is it's it it perpetuates our media. It perpetuates our literature it perpetuates our roles in society. It perpetuates our government.

Lia:

And this is for men and women.

Autumn:

Yeah, our economic systems, you know, like, the the fact that, you know, so we could call this the scarcity wound.

Lia:

Yeah. On a global collective psyche.

Autumn:

On a global collect. It but it goes beyond scarcity of material. Right? This is scarcity of beauty. This is scarcity of intellect. This is scarcity of of heart.

Lia:

It’s just lack. I am not…

Autumn:

It's just the lack of fill in the blink. And so I think, you know, something that people can really start with a really easy practical step in starting to examine your your relationships, to money, to people, to God, to yourself, you know, all those things that you you talk about in your empowerment courses, it's like to really evaluate that, we can start by saying, where don't I feel enough? You know, like, for me, I'll just give you a personal example, a personal example of where I I just I struggle. This is my struggle, right, is I never feel like I'm a good enough parent. And if I wanna, like, with work, I'm like, I'm great. I'm great in my network. My tribe, I'm great in my tribe. You know, finally, I'm I'm in the right place for Yeah. I really love, you know, but the one place that I really continue to kind of like come back to and and in my own, you know, self doubt or or not enoughness is parenting. And, you know, when we start to look at that, it's like, okay. Why? Where, what is the program running? What is the fear attached to the program? and then we can look at entitlement. I think that we I think this is a another way.

Lia:

Let's just say that slow. The not enoughness is directly correlated to our sense of entitlement.

Autumn:

Yeah.

Lia:

That's the truthiest truth I ever heard.

Autumn:

It's a good one because we really, like, think about even, like, okay. Let's bring up Tinder, for example.

Lia:

Tinder. I’ve got stories on stories. The hot girls who are walking during this podcast, they know my Tinder stories.

Autumn:

They they probably swipin’ while they listenin’. Yeah. Yes. Who wouldn't? Right. So Tinder, for example, like, how often does a guy reach out on Tinder? Hey, sexy. Hey. I really like your eyes. – You're so beautiful. – You're so beautiful. in in the more cloak to covert, we have, like, you seem really nice.

Lia:

Yes. Right? But in somewhere or another, it's a validation of external worth.

Autumn:

Right. Okay. Validation of external 1. Then you get even deeper. And, like, let's say you don't reply. You open it and you don't reply. Mhmm. How what's the percentage? I bet we could we could Google this or something, but what's the percentage of guys that come back and say, why are you not responding?

Lia:

Well, it it always starts with an injury. It's it's a meme at this point. We all know this happens. They send you, hey, beautiful. You're so sexy. I would love to get take you out. Hey, girl. How have you been? Would love to talk to you. Hey, why aren't you responding to me? What's going on? Fuck you, bitch. That the the rapid decline. It's it's a meme. We all know this happens. This is a universal female experience.

Autumn:

Well, yeah. Or just like, hey. Hey, sexy. You're beautiful. And I'm like, oh, here's my dick. or you wanna get down or how you're -- You know, which is fine. You know, like, not saying that a girl can't look for that kind of thing when she needs it. And what I'm saying is this shows you how entitled we feel to a relationship. So it's like, okay, we have this not enough-ness on one side. I'm not good enough. I'm not skinny enough. I'm not tall enough. My dick isn't big enough. My boobs aren't big enough. My cheeks aren't Botox enough. I need to get eyelashes.

Lia:

I don’t have enough money. I'm not a good enough provider.

Autumn:

Whatever. Mhmm. Yeah. I don't have enough to offer. Like, I'm not comfortable with myself. I I'm not good in bed. Whatever that “I'm not” story is for not I'm not a I'm not a good parent, you know, like, for me, it's like, you know, that directly relates to the entitlement. So like for me, for example, I have unconscious entitlement with my children. I think that because I am their mother, I am entitled to know everything for them. There is a deep rooted wound there from the way that I was raised. Right? I I just feel like my kids, I know what's best for them. Right? And so pulling the and and they're they're 5 and 6 right now. So, you know, I don't have to know a whole lot, but I'm like, I I know what you're gonna eat. Right? There's this entitlement that I have as their mother. Yes. That actually drives me to do things that that make me feel like I'm not enough. Does that make sense?

Lia:

Because because you set the expectation for yourself that you are entitled I should. I'm entitled to know what my child needs. I'm the best caretaker for my child. And the second –

Autumn:

Mama Bear.

Lia:

– the second that you don't meet the own your own expectation of yourself, That space in between becomes the sense of not enoughness.

Autumn:

Yeah. So I'm actually hyper vigilant as a parent. You know? I was the mom, like, didn't give my baby sugar, made their own baby food. I didn't go as far as cloth diapers. Right? But I was really I was really hyper vigilant and and, you know, they were in in programs and I was really hyper vigilant. And the more that I tried to do, the more not-enough that I felt. Yeah. And and so this is where it gets, you know, we go back to that meme. In Tinder. It's like, I feel entitled to talk to this beautiful girl -- Mhmm. -- because she swiped.

Lia:

Yes. Or even even if we take the gendered part out of it, right, because women do this too, and I and I can see this in myself. 

Autumn:

Oh, for sure. I'm entitled.

Lia:

Where it's it's not just men being entitled to women. That's something that we have known has been a problem for millenia. But on the flip side, in today's society, I have seen, and this, even in myself, it's like, You, you're my boyfriend, look at all this stuff I do for you, or we've been dating for 6 months. Look at all these amazing things that I do for you. Right? I cook, I clean, right? I’m making sure that you're getting taken care of sexually, all of these things. And so I'm like, I'm doing girlfriend stuff, so I'm entitled to the title of girlfriend and all the perceived benefits that come along with that. Or we've been dating for 5 years. Look at all these things that I've done. I'm entitled to the title of marriage.

Autumn:

Mhmm. Or even just, you know, women's entitlement to Think about think about the statistics of of let's go back to Tinder. Let's think about because we've talked a lot about conscious dating and and and holding these these events for people to really understand relationship. And it's like we go back to Tinder. Guys have a really hard time. Like --

Lia:

On Tinder.

Autumn:

On Tinder. Like, women kind of have their pick of the litter. You know what I mean? And and so as women, we're like, oh, we're entitled to, like, have choices.

Lia:

Oh, yeah. 

Autumn:

I'm entitled to I'm entitled to be picky. I'm entitled to I'm entitled to a tall man. 

Lia:

One thing turned me off about him, I'll go find something better. I'm entitled to I'm entitled to a tall, rich, handsome, successful, because I'm a woman of inherent worth. And so I deserve to have someone who is my equal, if not a little bit even more great than me, to build a life with.

Autumn:

And we can even take this to the negative. Right? We can talk about how in in our relationship with ourself, we can feel unconsciously entitled to the bad relationships that keep finding us.

Lia:

Yes.

Autumn:

Right? Like, oh, I'm not worthy. I can't get a good guy. I'm gonna settle for this. But it but it is still an entitlement. You're like saying, I'm entitled to a, b, and c, whether it's good, bad, beautiful chaotic, ugly, healthy, or not healthy. Right? It's like just thinking that something is inherently just there for you without your actual connection. Like, so it's like, how do you wanna be approached? This is this is a fun question I like to ask people. like, how do how do you want to be approached by any human who wants to connect with you and start a relating experience, whether for 5 minutes or 5 years or 50, it's a relating experience AKA relationship.

Lia:

Okay. So let's use a bar scene. Let's set the stage because I right? So if I'm sitting at a bar, where I am looking to be approached, and someone wants to approach me whether it's for 5 minutes or 50 years. How do I want to be approached, with… So for me, a big thing has always been, don't take away my choice. And so one of the best we'll call it a pickup. So one of the best times I ever got picked up at a bar, a gentleman came over, came up to talk to me, Hey. How's it going? I'd like to buy you a drink. Very straightforward. There was very little like. Hey, baby. How are you? It was like, hey. Are you enjoying the event? Yeah. I am. Hey. Can I buy you a drink? Just that simple. And I said, yeah. Absolutely. I would love that. bought me a drink and said, I hope you enjoy your evening and then left me alone. And then walked away. I was like, oh, oh, oh, I didn't feel a sense of obligation because he bought me a drink that I would have to sit there and talk to him. 20 minutes, maybe 45 minutes later, he came back around and checked in on me and was like, How was your drink? How, you know, still having a good time giving me the choice to continue the engagement or not. Right? I'm a throw it out there. I'm a do something nice. I'm gonna make my intention very known. I would like to engage with you for and start a relationship whether it's 5 minutes or 50 years. The intent was set. The space was given for the decision to be made. The check-back came in, and then I was able to have the power and the deciding choice to say yes or no. And I knew because there had already been built in this no obligation moment. Right? I've already shown you that you're not obliged. I don't feel as though you I am entitled to you, and so you do not need to feel entitled to me. or vice versa. Let's, is this something that you choose? And I was like, hell, yeah. We hanging out all night.

Autumn:

That's beautiful. Well, and also think about it too. Like, were you sitting there feeling like you were entitled to be bought a drink?

Lia:

 No.

Autumn:

So you weren't you weren't sitting with that energy of, like, I'm gonna get me a free drink. 

Lia:

No. Not at all. Not at all. I am not I am not I have never been that woman.

Autumn:

So this is this is the thing, though. If you are that woman, I just want you to realize out there for listening. You're sitting there with unconscious entitlement, and you're gonna call that in.

Lia:

Yes. Yes. Because if I had had the energy of, like, I spent money on my outfit. I look so sexy. I'm going to go out there and men are going to buy me free drinks because that's what I deserve because because because entitlement. And so if I had that energy, then, yes, that's would have shown up someone who also carried entitlement, been like, I'm gonna buy you this, and then you are now obligated to spend time with me. -- and talk to me and entertain me for however long that I decide. And so, yes, the energy. It's I mean, it's like manifesting, but the reverse of it, I guess? Because we’re always manifesting.

Autumn:

We're always we're always manifesting what's in front of us, I think, with what's inside of us. And this is where, again, it comes back to self relationship. If if you're vibrating inside on a level of jealousy, you're gonna attract a partner in that vibration. Right? Like, if you are…

Lia:

Yes. Not even romantically. Your friends.

Autumn:

And so I think that the other thing is is we don't really spend enough time relating to ourselves. I have the fortunate, you know, astral chart of being you know, very hermit-esque, you know, I'm I'm someone who I think spends, a unique amount of time and inch in inner interspection, the inner journey. Right? I think in general, our population is, and I think that's why, you know, I have this viewpoint and and and you know, I attract what I do in my work because I spend a lot of time on the inside, and that's what I teach people to do because the interrelating that you do, the inner journeying that you do. – Mhmm. – whatever vessel, whatever modality, whatever tool whatever group, the the way that you can journey on the inward, I think, really, is a very embodied reality of how you're going to relate on the outside to people. And so in relationships, my friend, Jordan, he is a a therapist who focuses on attachment theory and, experiential retreats.

Lia:

I met Jordan. My son met Jordan and was like – Oh, yeah! – That is the coolest guy I have ever met.

Autumn:

Oh, he is so amazing. He's he's a real full human.

Lia:

-- On the podcast and the show notes, we'll link over to his Instagram because he is a absolute joy to listen to. 

Autumn:

Yeah. He's got some conscious wrap on Spotify. You definitely should go hit play. 

Lia:

I sent it over I sent it over to Scott. We listened to all of it. He’s so good.

Autumn:

Yeah. He's awesome. He He he, helps us facilitate this these workshops and, he does this really cool presentation kind of exercise where he talks about relationship and secure attachment, and I really like the way that he, presents this. It's It's really easy to connect with, and I think it's a very good foundation for us to all start examining our relationships with our self. and then our relationships with other people and how we treat ourselves and how we treat other people. And the entanglements that can that can be toxic. – Yeah. – So there's imagine 3 hoops in front of you. Hey. Like, you know, those those hoops that intersect each other. What are those called?

Lia:

Venn diagram. Okay. There we go. Yes. Yes. The overlapping circles where it's a concept or a nation of the concept. Yes.

Autumn:

Yes. There it is. It starts with a V. You know, so you have 3 hoops in front of you. Think about them as your circle of relationship. you know, and I talk a lot about the circle and and how we can actually only we only can heal in a circle. And it's the basis for, you know, everything that I do with people. It's It's very circular. And so I love this because each ring, if you have 3 of them, you can imagine as circles. where where healing can take place. And when you get out of these circles, that's when we create experiences that we need to heal from. So my I've kinda elaborated on his his little thing and and brought my indigenous wisdom of of the circle. And and Each circle represents the the first the first circle represents your relationship with yourself. And then the second circle represents your relationship with fill in the blank. And the connecting portions if the circles choose to overlap AKA be in relationship to each other. is your relationship. And you have 2 jobs in your circle, you have 2 jobs to honor your relationship with yourself. And those 2 things are: 1, know your truth. Right? Know who you are, know your truth. If you're out there right now and you're listening, and you don't know your truth, you don't have a relationship with yourself. 

Lia:

That’s a hard truth to know. 

Autumn:

I mean, there's a there's a lot of layers. There's a lot of layers, so I'm not saying you have to know all the truths in life. Like, it's there's no, like, finish line here, but, like –

Lia

I call it your internal moral compass, a strong awareness of your internal moral compass. You know the truth you know when you're acting within your truth and you know when you're out of alignment with your True North.

Autumn:

Right. You you you have an idea of of of what your truth is about, for example, how you wanna show up in a relationship with yourself and others. If you're confused, you're starting at kindergarten, foundations of relationships. Right? If if you don't know how to interact with people or how to interact with yourself, you're at a kindergarten basics of relationship. Right? And and that's okay to be there. It's actually a really good place to be because that's where you can literally rebuild all your relationships in life, your life, life is a relationship. So you get to you get to kinda start and create what you what you know. So it's not a bad place. to be in. It's actually kind of convenient because the other side of that the other side of that is people think they know their truth. 

Lia:

And they don’t. 

Autumn:

They're fucking themselves over. You know, it's like -- So -- they're they don't really they're they're in denial. Right? They're they tell everyone they know their truth, but they don't. So the number one thing is know your truth. Number 2 thing is keep everybody else out of your truth.

Lia:

Woof. That's that whole entanglement where it's like, when two people come into a relationship, it has to be 2 full people, not, right, where your identity is your partner. That's a huge yes. That's a huge issue. But -- Right. – Let me let me ask you. As we're wrapping up here, let me ask you, what is the one thing? Like, if if I'm at a kindergarten level, and I have been there. And you have seen me there. It's not this is not something that's embarrassing or shameful. – No. – To start at the beginning is a beautiful gift because there's no expectation for yourself. If you could give one thing to do today, To start to understand your truth better, what can people begin to do?

Autumn:

Ask curious questions. and find people in your life, whether it's a coach, a mentor, a friend, a family member, really surround yourself with people who ask you really good questions, open ended questions. Questions that are not leading, but really curious, open ended questions. Because in the center, Yeah. In the center of so so you have that responsibility in your circle. Anyone you come into relationship with in a secure attachment you know, if we're if we're referencing that here, is also going to do that. So me and you, Lia, you know your truth. You keep me out of it. I know my truth. I keep you out of it. Then where our circle can actually intersect in a secure way is expressing our truth. Our relationship should be based off of each of us intersecting our truth and expressing it to each other and being seen and heard and loved and and admired and respected and honored or whatever the moral compass you wanna create is. 

Lia:

Right. And and encouraging upward growth. We call it this, like, up spiral. Right? This upward growth because as I see and hear and validate your truth and you see and hear and validate mine. We just spin a we don't intersect necessarily. We don't we don't 

Autumn:

We don't entangle 

Lia:

We don't do that little thing. But we are within this realm where we can spin around each other upwards and upwards and upwards.

Autumn:

And so you can ask you can start by asking yourself some questions. You know, do I know my truth about a, b, c, d? Do I know my truth? 

Lia:

What are my thoughts on this? What -- Where do I stand?

Autumn:

Where do I need to get more clear on my truth? And the kind of truth I'm talking about isn't, you know, head truth. It's heart truth. Like -- Yes. -- you know, and that's where people can get confused is linking up the the the mind and the heart or or the the human with the soul. – Yes, I love this. –  And so yeah. But but to ask the questions and to ask yourself, am I in relationships where I let people manipulate my truth or where they don't respect my truth or where my truth isn't heard or seen, or it doesn't matter. Or am I in relationships where I am trying to control the narrative. I'm trying to manipulate the truth, make myself comfortable, or to give myself power. Right? So then from there, we can start to look at power dynamics of how of how we're operating in our own power, in our own sovereignty, and how we're choosing to operate with people, what kind of people we're choosing to operate with. Are we Are we surrounding ourselves with other sovereign people so that supports our sovereignty, or are we playing a bunch of games in relationship and a lot of superficial psychoenergetic, entanglement, really. 

Lia:

Obviously, we can talk about this for, like, the next 6 hours. – Yeah. – Obviously. – Watch out watch out for part 2. – Watch out well at part 5, 6, 7, 12. So Adam and I went to Mexico in February, and we sat on the beach drinking pina coladas like you do. – Yeah. --  And we were like, we should just have recorded the full week because -- Oh, I know. It was so good. All of the things. So This this episode sponsored by Beehive Bud CBD. Go check out their website. We'll link it in the comments, check out all of the things. Autumn gonna talk more about emeshment and entanglement and straw we got so many topics. We got so many topics. I can’t stop.

Autumn:

Yeah, it's gonna be good. 

Lia:

So all the hot girls out there and hot and hot boys and hot couples doing their walks. So important While you're on these walks after the podcast, kinda ask yourself, what are my truths? What's real for me? What's the truthiest truth? Where do I stand? and get cleared. I think journaling those things is gonna help because having it spin around in your mind is one thing, but put it in put it in writing. Ladies and gentlemen, put it in writing. So go check out the Beehive Bud website. You can also buy the book. A lot of things that we're talking about here are in the Everything is Your Fault Book, which you can buy if you ever go to the Beehive Bud CBD store, can buy a copy.

Autumn:

But, Autumn, thanks for being here. I love you so much. I'll see you. Thank you, Lia.

Lia:

in a soon episode. We'll tell this was very intellectual. Don't don't get confused. We get raunchy. It gets real slutty up in here sometimes, too.

Autumn:

It does. You have to catch me before my nap. I'm a I'm a little more edgy. 

Lia:

A little more edgy, but I think honestly that we wanna start with the basics. And the basics are, know yourself. Know what you wanted live and know what your truth is. So thank you for listening. I love you all so much. We'll see y'all real soon. Bye.

Ending:

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