Ep.79- Overcome Underearning with Elyse Alexander

In this episode, Lia is joined by Elyse Alexander, a life coach who shares her personal and entrepreneurial growth journey. Elyse candidly discusses her experiences, from working multiple jobs to realizing the need for change, transitioning to coaching, and finding her footing as an entrepreneur. Together, they delve into topics such as breaking habits, finding a mentor, and the societal expectations placed on women. The conversation also touches on the challenges of comparison, wealth beyond money, and the importance of emotional and strategic balance in pursuing goals, self-improvement, the entrepreneurial mindset, and the journey toward a blissful life. This episode is packed. Listen today for valuable advice in this episode.

Elyse passionately advocates pursuing one's dreams and turning skills into a successful business. Through her podcast, she encourages people to believe in themselves and their abilities, showing them that living the life they desire is possible. Elyse challenges the belief that success is unattainable and empowers individuals to seek validation for why their dreams should absolutely work. She is dedicated to giving people permission to pursue their passions and create the life they want.

Books referenced: "Overcoming Underearning" by Barbara Stanny, and "Introvert's Guide to World Domination" by Nick Shelton.

This episode is sponsored by Lunarherbals.com, where you can find natural wellness products to support your bliss life. -- Use code Lia10 for $10 off your first order.

Join -----> Master Your Bliss Life Patreon <-----

Host: Lia Bliss on LinkedIn and Instagram

Guest: Elyse Alexander on Social Media

Find Lia’s book here: Everything Is Your Fault by Lia Bliss

Podcast Manager: Kimberly Smith

Transcript

You’re listening to Master Your Bliss Life. Join Kiera Masters and Lia Bliss as they dive into the magical, mysterious, and mundane elements of life, helping you to master your purpose and find your bliss.

Lia:

Yeah. It has started. So the first question for Miss Elyse, who is here today. What, what's your what's your concept? You came with, like, this money mastery kinda energy, but what does that mean for the hot girls?

Elyse:

So for the hot girls in the room, everything to do with wealth is about to be blown out of your mind because a lot of people have this concept that wealth is money, and it is not. Wealth is freedom, and wealth is your opportunity to claim what has been given to you and to show other people that you are allowed to follow your dream maker, whatever it is, because

Lia:

Mic drop. The podcast over.

Elyse:

Podcast. Oh, we're done. Now you know. So the concept is really centered and wired around the emphasis that whatever it is that you want to do, no matter what it is, you have a skill inside of you in which you can make money on. And not just make money on, but continue to grow and live the life that you want. Because a lot of people, I think, have a belief that they wanna do something or that they're meant for something or that they're meant for more, but then can't quite get there. Then there needs to be people who give permission, who show you not only that it's possible, but to give you more reason why it is not only a possibility, but meant to be. And a lot of us have not only found reasons of why it doesn't work, but we continue to look for validation on why it absolutely should never work.

Elyse:

Then there's people like you and me who come in and not just give emotion, but strategy. Because you need both. You need to be able to find a way. Like, I loved it when people were like, oh, do you just have to, like, manifest, you could just, like, find me, like, I am statements and just, like, put them together, and then some people would be like, yeah. That doesn't work. Why? Because if you're not regulated, If your system doesn't understand, if you don't breathe correctly, if you're constantly in fight or flight mode, then none of the things in which I gave you in strategy matter. Because you're not gonna make any money anyway. So the whole goal of what it is that I do here and what it is that I do as a wealth mindset coach is to continue to show you step by step by step how you get to where it is that you wanna go.

Lia:

I love it. It's so true because the feeling of, like, that burning inside of your soul of, like, I know I was meant to do this thing and I just don't know how to come at it. I remember when I first started, like, in the corporate world, there was so much of this, like, I felt gatekept even though no one was gatekeeping.

Elyse:

Oh.

Lia:

Right? And it was just this perception of, like, this is, like, a world of to which I cannot penetrate because I don't understand how to get in. And then once you're in, you need someone to be like, okay. This, here's the lingo. Here's the here's the path. Here's all the things. But that feeling of being on the perceived outside perceived outside And just, like, banging, like, throwing your body into this invisible wall over and over again is not fun, and it feels yucky. And, yes, it puts you into these, like, energetically… lack mentality is my least favorite thing in the whole world? We can't, right? To be like, oh, That's not accessible. I even with my dad boss, I still have to tell him he was bitching about something the other day. Like, oh, well, there's a lot like, that's that market's saturated.

Elyse:

Oh.

Lia:

And I was like, sir, let's have some conversations. Because how many times I mean, even when I was writing my book, it's like, how many self-help books exist in the world? A billion. Where where am, who am I, to who am I to be? Who am I? Right? All that imposter syndrome and the lack mentality. So if I'm someone who has this burning feeling deep inside me? Like, I want to you were just telling me that you're leaving for Australia very soon. Just like travel the world in your fabulous life. And I actually so I had a beautiful moment. I flew myself to Denver for a concert

Elyse:

Get it.

Lia:

For one day, I was there for, like, 20 hours, but I, like, had so much reflection on younger Lia, whereas, like, man, if I could travel back to, like, 24-year-old Lia and be like, girl, look how cool our life is. She would not believe me because I No. I couldn't even imagine I always say, like, your your ability to get somewhere is limited by your scope of imagination, and you really can't imagine past, like, the next 3 years? So if I'm 24-year-old Lia or I'm somebody who's sad, like, I'm I don't wanna be doing this, what I'm doing now? I don't wanna be in this life, but I don't know how to get out. What's the first step that we take?

Elyse:

Oh, Magical question, and it's actually a very painful answer. So hot girls, take a deep breath.

Lia:

Deep breath for the pain.

Elyse:

And allow yourself to experience this answer, which is the fact that you have to be willing to admit that either you're in enough pain to shift, or you're not.

Lia:

Or you're not. The pain of being in your comfort zone for too long or the pain of getting out of your comfort zone.

Elyse:

100%. And here's the thing. Because I knew I was meant for more for years, like years. Like, you know. It's a feeling that's inside of you. It's a feeling when you go to bed, right, and you're thinking about your day and you're like, oh, you know, like, this is what I did today and this is what I didn't complete and you're like, oh, but, like, maybe maybe let's okay. Let's go back to base. You may not even know what it is that you want to do. You may not even know what it is that you're meant for.

Elyse:

You just may know that whatever it is you're doing, you're meant for more than that. So first is awareness. 1st step always, is awareness. Awareness that you are meant to be doing something else. Step number 2 is acknowledgment. Acknowledgment that what you're doing right now isn't something that you wanna be doing forever. And step number 3 is always accountability, but a lot of people get a little uncomfortable in this step because admitting to someone else that you aren't doing what you're meant to be doing, number 1, causes a lot of shame, causes a lot of guilt. It makes you feel bad. It starts to make you say to yourself, right, like, why have I been doing this for so long?

Elyse:

It's like I always think of, like, the comedy skit where some guy is like, oh, well, you know, like, why are you still with that guy? And he's like, oh, like, my CDs are in his car. Like, At the end of the day, you have to be willing to see that if you're not gonna start over now, do you wanna start over in 5 years? Do you wanna start over in 7? Do you wanna start over in 10? Right? Because I'm sure when you started over in your life, it wasn't fun. Just like when I've lost all my money and started over in my life, it wasn't fun. But here's the thing that I need everyone to remember is that if you're not gonna start over now, that feeling inside of you, it never goes away.

Lia:

It never goes away. 

Elyse:

It is always going to show up

Lia:

away. And the shame thing is so huge because, Yeah. That's just it's, like, embarrassing.

Elyse:

Yeah.

Lia:

Because because here's the thing. That feeling doesn't ever go away truly? Because every time you arrive, you see the next peak to climb. Yeah. And so it's like, you get so right? You get to the top of your 1st mountain, and you're like, oh my gosh. I've arrived. This is so great. And then you look in the distance, and you're like, holy shit. That's where I should be.

Elyse:

There's something else.

Lia:

What have I been, what have I been doing? Why have I, wait. And it's embarrassing. I remember always being because people always be like, oh my god. You're so you're so incredible. You're so amazing.

Elyse:

Yeah.

Lia:

You do so much. You have so much power in you. And then you go home and you, like, really take stock of how much you've actually been doing, and you're like, I am phoning it in. I have not been doing the most, and you feel bad because you're like, wow. I'm a pathetic loser for not realizing my full potential all of the time.

Elyse:

So you bring me to my 1st step, which is what do people do? You find people that are like-minded who want something bigger, and who not just want something bigger, who want to make money doing Something bigger. Right? Because we can all talk about, like, I would love to create and change the world, and I would love for it to be different, but the reality is 2024. We need money to back what it is that we're doing, so why not create a concept and a dream that not just helps people, but continues to support your dollar account and someone else's as well.

Lia:

Yes. So how do you deal with people? So I had I don't wanna say an argument, but it was close.

Elyse:

I almost Okay. A little sassy, sassy conversation.

Lia:

Over this, but I didn't because I had an intermediary friend there to break it up.

Elyse:

Okay. I love it. Tell me.

Lia:

And so I was one of my friends was saying, like, I just you know, I have so many dreams, and I feel like being called to so many things. At the same time, like, I really just wanna get out of the rat race. Like, I don't wanna do this anymore. And my response was, you know, you can get paid for doing the things that you love. You don't have to be in the rat race to get paid, you can be aligned to get money. And I said money is the root of all freedom. Money is the root of all freedom. And another woman was, like, she was relatively offended. Oh. She was very taken aback, and she was like, absolutely not. Firmly disagree. God is the root of all freedom.

Lia:

And I was a little offended and take it, and I part of me was like, which god to which are you referring? Who what who? Who which who who are you talking about? And I was just like, I'm gonna fight you because I don't believe in that, but, and but she, like, had the same kind of, like, how dare you say that money is the root of freedom. So how do you deal with resistance to this idea? A lot of people have these preconceived stories that, like

Elyse:

Yep.

Lia:

– wealthy people are bad, and the desire to make money is inherently out of the... So what do you say?

Elyse:

100%. So I used to be this person who was like, I wanna help everyone for free, and I'm gonna be this person who, like, to anyone else, to my family, to my relationships, to continue to fill my cup. And I'll tell you that I grew up with money. So I can tell you firsthand, money doesn't make people happy. No. Money is not what gives you joy. There are people, right, who you just mentioned who will share, you know, “Well, if you're really in service, then you're not gonna be doing it for money.” Fuck that. 

Lia:

Incorrect.

Elyse:

We deserve to help people, and also you are worth what you are asking for. So one of the biggest issues with my clients is that they do not wanna ask for the money they feel like they deserve, so they undercut themselves. And I read a book a couple of years back called “Overcoming Underearning.” One of the biggest books that changed my life.

Lia:

Write that shit down. Overcoming Underearning. We're gonna tag, we're gonna tag a link to that. 

Elyse:

It is not just a workbook. It is also an explanation to why people continue to consistently under-earn. Because you don't just have to be someone who makes, like, a couple $1,000 a month or a year to under earn, there are millionaires who underearn because underearning is really just about asking what it is that you're worth for the time that you give. Yeah. So when people say that money is the root of all evil or that people who are spiritual should not be paid for their work, I think that's bullshit. Because the more money we get paid, the more the more people we can help, the more we can change the world, and the more that we continue to transfer the new beliefs that we create. Here's the thing. When you get comfortable, and you get stuck, and me included when I was little. I used to believe that when people had money, they were mean, they were aggressive, All rich people were bad people, and then I realized, oh, shit. Actually, it's not all people, But there are things that start to happen with the more money that you have, and people tend to think, right, that they need to be more blocked, That they need to be more like, this is mine and not yours, and I'm not gonna give anyone anything.

Lia:

Right? It's a lack mentality just with money. So silly. This is so funny. This comes at the perfect time because I sent the largest and most intimidating invoice I have ever sent to a client today, I would like I put it off for a week. I Mhmm. Okay. I gotta it's so much. – Yep. Yep. – Oh, Shit. Okay. And then I had a meeting with the client, and she was like, you're so wonderful. We love you. Your services are so important. Are you, you know, do you have enough work to do? How can we support? And I was like, oh my god. Oh my god. This is so scary. Because in our minds, we decide what we're worth, and it's so hard, especially as, like, a solo entrepreneur, to separate the services I provide have value, and my, deep in my heart, inherent value, which not the same.

Elyse:

Oh, and you can say that again because I went from literally working 3 jobs. Like, I worked in the restaurant industry. I worked in the service industry. I went to culinary school, and I was like, okay. I was like, I'm a pay off my student loans. I'm a do this. I'm a do this. And so I worked 3 jobs at the same time. I was a chocolatier for eight and a half years. I got sick 9 times a year, and I was like, fuck it. I was like, we're just gonna keep going, keep going, keep going. And you know what I realized? If you don't ever do something different to change what it is you're doing, you're gonna continue to circle the same cycle and cycle and cycle and cycle. Yeah. So I had to stop 2 out of 3 of those jobs, get a different job, and stop working in chocolate. And guess what? My worth tanked. I was like, oh, I don't have anything that I'm good at anymore.

Elyse:

I don't have anyone telling me that I'm amazing at something, and then I was like, oh, shit. I consistently want other people to tell me that they love me in my life or that I'm good at something, and yet I'm not telling my same self in the mirror, the same thing. Yes. I was like, how interesting because I went from making $100 an hour as a coach to having no idea what I was doing. Right? Starting a new podcast, Starting a new life and being like, what the fuck am I doing? Who am I? Why is anyone gonna listen to me? Yes. My family's made money, but I have no name. Like, why why am I doing this? To them, right, being scared shitless to then making $1500 a client to then making $5500 a client to then figuring out how to consistently figure out the disconnection between what happens on the inside and what happens on the connection between what happens on the inside and what happens on the outside. Right? Because people consistently are like, I wanna change my life, and they're like, oh, I'm just gonna change the outside. – Yes. – But it doesn't change anything. Right? Because change happens from the inside out. And this is the thing The people get the most irritated about. Have you noticed this, Leah? The people are like, I don't see that it's working. Do you see that it's working?

Lia:

I had a girl. Like, she wasn't a client, I was actually – in support of my friend, I signed up to be a client of hers as a coach. I was like, sure. I will give you like, I'll sign up. I'll pay the money. I'll give you the feedback. Like, we'll do the whole thing. And she was like, yeah. I just am really struggling to onboard clients. I feel like if it was my purpose, it would come easy. And I was like, well, how long have you been trying to do this? And she was like, like, 3 months. I was like, oh, bitch. You'll triple that in years.

Elyse:

Yeah. 100%.

Lia:

3 no. 3 months to be like, I'm a coach now and expect to be swimming in $5500 clients so that you can quit your whatever job? Like, nope. Nope. Nope.

Elyse:

And this is the huge thing. Right? I thought this myself. I was like, I'm gonna hire myself a business coach, and I was like, I'm a pay, like, With my 1st business coach, I think she was $10,000. And I was like, okay. I was like, I'm a make sure that I do all these things right, and then magically, I'm going to end up getting clients, consistency, everything. Right? And what did I realize? That it doesn't even matter how much money you pay. First of all, You have to be consistent. You have to put in the time. You have to make the effort. It has nothing to do with anybody else. Right? But, Also, we're we're kind of procrastinators as people. Like, I was like, no. I'll do all the free stuff. No. Okay. You know what? Like, that's not working.

Elyse:

I'll pay a couple $100 for a coach, that didn't work. And then I paid a couple $1,000 for a coach, and then that didn't work. And I was like, you know, like, it's like this whole idea in school when you're like, oh, I really like the teacher, but I don't like, like, this that they do or I don't like this that they do or boyfriends. Perfect example. You're like, oh, I really like this about him, but, like, he drinks. Or I really like this about him, but he's never home. Right? And we find the things that we're, like, okay with, and we're like, okay. We're like, I'm comfortable. Like, I'm just gonna nestle in, and we're just gonna make this work.

Lia:

That math.

Elyse:

That's not the reality of the situation. It took me years, as I'm sure it took you years to get to where we are now. And, honestly, the only benefit that any hot girl has is that you find someone else who's made mistakes before you, and you learn from fucking her.

Lia:

Yes. You only have to know 10% more than your clients. Honest to god.

Elyse:

And if I would have known that shit 10 years ago, I would have quit years ago.

Lia:

Yes. Yes. Yes. I think back, so my partner and I met 10 years ago. Oh, I guess it's almost 11 years now. But, and I think that because, and I have, like, this very distinct memory. It's like a, it's everyone who's listening to the podcast has heard this story. It's hilarious. But I was on a date with someone else and picked him up. He was our waiter.

Elyse:

Oh, I love it.

Lia:

It was great. It, I think that's, like, the person that I was then because it's such, like, a strong core memory.

Elyse:

Yeah.

Lia:

Like, she had no clue. No. No clue. Also, there's something to be said about, like, you if I mean, at 24, I don't know that, honest to god, anyone at 24 is prepared in their life to, like, give quality advice because you've a little bit missed out on the opportunity to, like, prove it. And so to say, like, man, I wish I would've known this 10 years ago because I spent the last 10 years figuring it out, it's like, well, that's actually where all the money is because I've spent the last 10 years getting it wrong. Pretty quickly.

Elyse:

And you know what? That's also the gift because the more that you're willing to do wrong, hear this when I say this, write this shit down. The more that you're willing to do wrong, the quicker you're gonna fucking win.

Lia:

Yes. Fail quickly and then pivot. Fail as quickly as humanly possible. What is that?

Elyse:

My headphone case is, like, deteriorated, but it says pivot. Because every day, I need reminders, Right? Of what to do when I forget. You ever notice that when you start doing something that works, all of a sudden you stop doing it because your body is used to doing in a different way that you're, like, holding on for dear life to that part of you. And here's the thing. You have to let that person die. Right. You have to let that version of you go in order to bring in what you need to bring in. So I would say, like, 3 top things that I did that brought me out of, well, you know, I don't know how to get out.

Elyse:

I don't know how to start. Number 1, I found a mentor that did what I wanted to do the way I wanted to do it the way I wanted to live, and the way I wanted to talk. I wanted to curse on podcast. I wanted to tell people to fuck off. I wanted to be able to create a life where I could wear whatever I wanted and not have to dress up in a suit every time I went somewhere. I wanted to wake up when I wanted. I wanted to get up and meditate and go to the gym and booking have sets of flowers in my house because it's something that I enjoy. Right? Exactly.

Elyse:

See? I I wanted to have that freedom. So number 1, finding a mentor. Number 2, surrounding yourself with people who make more money than you. Yes. This was something that made me uncomfortable for many years, but I'll tell you the 5 people that you surround yourself most with are the 5 bank accounts that you end up matching.

Lia:

Yes.

Elyse:

And number 3, finding a community of people who meets either every day or every week who is continually, consistently 1% Every day. I'm not talking about pushing. I'm not talking about burning out. I'm not talking about being aggressive about what you feel like you should be doing, and, yes, I am quoting should be doing.

Lia:

Could be. Don’t should on yourself.

Elyse:

Exactly. But really allowing yourself to create a high-level vision and then figuring out how to take the steps backwards.

Lia:

Yes. Yes. We right? It's just like when we stole all that alien technology from Roswell, and we reverse-engineered it and created the microchip. That's what you need to do with your life. Aliens. I was like –

Elyse:

Because you never you never you never See, right, what you need to see until you're looking at the steps, like, that got you here. Right? Because I remember, like, very consistently, it was a couple of years ago before I started my business, and I was, like, sitting on the ground in my room, and I was like, damn. I was like, how many times am I gonna sit here and cry about some guy who didn't tell me what I wanted to hear, and how many times am I gonna allow someone else to be a hold of my financial life, my responsibilities, my independence? I was like, why am I allowing someone else to be in control? And I was like, because I want someone to save me. And here's the big thing that no one wants to admit is that a lot of women are taught that we need to be saved, that someone else needs to in and say, oh my god. You're amazing. Okay. I got it from here.

Lia:

Right. If you're special enough, if you as a woman are special enough, then the knight in shining armor slash the beast in the castle slash Christian Grey will come and rescue you. And whisk you away to a life of fantasy. Girl, I have tried all of those things. It does not work.

Elyse:

And here's the thing. Right? Because really creating, like I love your podcast so much with the name of, like, Mastering Your Blissful Life. Like, wealth mindset is just the same as mastering a blissful life. It is whatever you want it to be. And one of the biggest things I also realized there's a huge a-ha light bulb moment for me, which will make you shook it. I already know. Is do you know what success means for you?

Lia:

Yes.

Elyse:

Do you know what it is that you actually want? Do you have it written down? Do you talk about it?

Lia:

That is the first thing. When I take coaching clients, that's the first thing. Like, what do you want? And, usually, the clients that come to me are like, “That's the fucking problem, Lia. I don't know.” It's like, okay. Let us take this impressive journey to figuring out what it is that you want. Because once we get all of the other, like, societal and familial and religious tell us of what you should want? When you figure out what you want, getting a strategy, and making a path, and taking action towards that thing is a 1000% easier? But my question for you is, speaking of client – Yeah. – Who is your perfect client. If someone was gonna be like, this girl, this bitch, I need her in my room. Who do you serve the best?

Elyse:

Who do I serve the best? The person that is the most amount of pain. – Okay. – And who dreams about the thing that they don't believe exists.

Lia:

Okay. The person who is in the most amount of pain who dreams about a thing that they think doesn't exist.

Elyse:

And I'll be more specific with that. Because here's the thing about ideal clients. Right? Ideal clients are people that are normally a younger version of you. This was one of the biggest gifts that one of my coaches gave me was that, normally, who is attracted to you, right, is people who have been in your experience or people who have experienced things like you have experienced. So I would say someone who is absolutely trying to convince themselves that what they're doing is fine, that they don't need to be someone else, number 1. Number 2, that they are in either a 9 to 5 job that is in service or in some sort of, help of someone else – Mhmm. – And they hate it, But they try and convince themselves that it's okay. And number 3, someone who's desperately looking for someone else to save them.

Elyse:

Because here's the thing. I could have answered this question like, oh, well, someone who's, like, 25 to 35 Who lives in California and blah blah blah. Right? None of that fucking matters. What matters is what people are truly experiencing, What's really happening underneath the surface, and what they're actually feeling. Because a lot of people don't know What they're actually feeling. They just kind of look at it, and they're like, yeah. I was never taught how to feel. Shift.

Lia:

Yes. I call that over-intellectualizing your feelings. – Oh. – My partner and I talk about this all the time because there's just because you comprehend a concept does not mean that you embody a concept. And just because you can identify the feeling doesn't mean that you've felt it.

Elyse:

Right. 1,000,000%. Most of my clients just wanna be free. Like, we just want to be free in a way that we're looking to Travel. We're looking to have our own money. We're looking to create our own life, and we're looking to be able to basically wear the pants in our own life, to be able to choose, to be able to have the opportunity to where it's about what we want rather than what someone else wants.

Lia:

Yes. I right. It's like, if your core beliefs and needs are trust, freedom, and safety, then you need this shit. All the <inaudible> are on the screen.

Elyse:

Just letting you know. I feel like it's like the, oh gosh. What were the, psychic, like, 1-800 hotline, like, whenbyou were in college that was like, If you need this, please call 1800.

Lia:

Do you need to know if you're a man or someone loves you? Call me. 

Elyse:

 And that's That's what's funny, right, is that's the shit I used to focus on. Like, instead of focusing on, like, what I wanted to do as a business, instead of focusing on my purpose or my passion. Right? There was 2 things that I focused on. The fact that I didn't have a man and the fact that I was always looking for, like, clothes or things or stuff to replace whatever it is that I have as a hole inside of me. Right? But, actually, when I lost all of my money and when I was dead broke, was the time that I realized, You know what? Actually, it's not worth it to push so hard. It's not worth it to convince someone else that I'm worth it rather than allowing myself to just take time a little bit slower and do what it is that I need to do in order to get there. Right? I remember having a conversation even this past week where, like, there are certain people, right, who talk about themselves and who are like, oh, I'm amazing.

Elyse:

Like, oh, this is what I do for a living. And I am actually an introvert. That's not something that a lot of people know about me, but it is something that I'm naturally, like, more comfortable being in myself rather than, right, doing all of this. But in order to grow and create the person that I get to be, not who I thought I was going to be, but the person that I get to be to create the impact that I get to have, I needed to be this person. Right? But I realized, like, I don't always talk about myself. Even my boyfriend was like, wait. You have a bachelor's in business management? And I was like, Oh, okay. Yeah. We didn't have this conversation.

Lia:

How long have we been together?

Elyse:

But it just depends on how much you're willing to share when it comes to things that other people feel are, like, the normal validation of success. Yes. Right? 

Lia:

Yes. Yes. There's there's a book that I love called “The Introvert's Guide to Taking Over the World.”

Elyse:

Great book.

Lia:

And I had my partner read it, and he because he's an introvert, but he works in the service industry. Right? Not great. It's fine. He's great at it. Right? But it's that thing where it's like – Yeah. – You have to turn it on, and everyone has that thing in you? And he was like, this book is such bullshit. This author is not an introvert. He keeps saying, Oh, be an introvert. It's okay. Introverts are cool, and then he keeps telling me to do not introvert shit. Well, in order to have impact, you have to step out of your comfort zone. And I absolutely think that the world needs introverts if everyone's an extrovert, it would be annoying as hell. Super annoying. But imagine if everyone, literally everyone, was a YouTuber. That sounds awful. What would we do all day?

Elyse:

There's already so much comparison-itis, right, which we were talking about a little bit earlier of, like, One of the best gifts that a coach gave me last year was, do you compare yourself to everyone else, or do you compare yourself to the version of you who started? Right? Because it is the version of you who started that is actually the one that continues to be proud and continues to want you to keep going. But like you, right, I have all these people that I follow on Instagram, like Lori Carter and these amazing, like, multimillionaires and Tiffany Carter, shout out to my mentor, Who is, like, killing it in the game. Right? And we're like, I'm so, like, underachieving over here. Right? But then there's people who are behind us who are like, You're fucking under like, underachiever? Like, excuse me?

Lia:

Yes. I struggle with that. I actually one of my really good friends is really good friends with Lori Harter. And It's and it's so hard because so this this friend of mine, I talk about her a lot. Her name's Lisa. She's doing the most, the most. I'm just like, oh my god. If I could grow up to be like you one day, you're so… and there's this, like, energy of, like, Take when it comes to some of those relationships? And that's where, like so so back to charging what you're worth. Because if you are at right. Say you've climbed 10 flights of stairs, and then someone else is above you who's climbed 20 flights of stairs. And you're like, oh my god. Please show me how to do it. It is disrespectful and disproportionate to the effort to expect them to, like, send you down a cheat code or give, right? Or walk back down to walk back up with you.

Elyse:

Yep.

Lia:

So as we turn around and look down 10 more flights of stairs, it's like, okay. Someone down there, it would not serve me to hike back down 10 flights of stairs to walk someone else up and then hike 10 down and walk the next person up. Right? – You'd be exhausted, girl. – Be exhausted. And energetically, right, it's like, you can't expect people that are that far above you to do it for free because that's not nice and not fair. And that we do we're talking about boundaries. Right? That's where, as a person, you have to set boundaries. You have to say, I can't take on every client. I can't Help everybody just because I'm a spiritual person just because I, like, truly in my soul believe that I am here for the girls. All of the girls can't just get free access. No. Except for if they listen to this podcast. That's free access. Exactly. But the, but I can't hang out. If I hung out with everybody that I wanted to hang out with or that wanted to hang out with me, that would be my full-time job. And that's

Elyse:

is the thing. Right? I'm sure, Lia, that you're a multipassionate person. Yeah?

Lia:

I got lots of things.

Elyse:

Exactly. So when you have these things, right, one of one of the quotes that I go back to consistently is, like, don't compare your chapter 1 to someone else's chapter 50, number 1. Number 2, in order to get through the door, you can't have 10 people on your back, and you're like, oh, okay. Like, everyone, let's go. Let's go. Let's go. And this is why it took me 10 years, right, to start my own business because I was like, I don't wanna go alone. Like, somebody else. Like, come. Like, hang out with me. Like, don't Don't let me go alone. I'm so sorry. Go through yeah. When I finally did go through the door by myself, I was like, oh, shit. You have to go through the door and then come back for other people and not come back in the way that you're saying, right, go down 10 flights of stairs, but literally turn around, look at who's behind you, and support those people. Right? Because just like you said, there are people who say that coaching is oversaturated.

Elyse:

There are people who say that there's a bunch of industries that are oversaturated because, well, there's only 1 you and whoever it is that needs to hear the message the way that you fucking say it. You're the only person who can give that. Right? And there are so many different people looking to go to so many different levels. I'm someone who helps people who start, who have never started a business, who don't even know how to start a business, who don't even know how to help people, or the fact that they genuinely don't even know what they want to do. But in order to create that entrepreneurial mindset, right, in order to grow from 0 to $5,000 months, you need to figure out How much sweat equity you're willing to put in in the beginning. Right? How much you're willing to do, how much you're willing to experience, and what boundaries you're willing to put into place. Because I had to say, you know what? My health is no longer something I'm willing to compromise. My experience of how much I'm willing to sleep is no longer something I'm willing to compromise.

Elyse:

That did mean that I no longer sit on Instagram and scroll. That did mean that I don't watch any more Netflix. That did mean that I had to be willing to let go of certain things In order to accept more of what I wanted in life. It was so uncomfortable, but I didn't wanna do it for so long. Right? And this is why we are where we are, helping as many people as we are to get them to see what it is that maybe they don't see yet, and it's only yet.

Lia:

Yes. It's it's shining a light through the resistance. Like, hey. You're resisting this. Let's take a look. Let's dive deep. I'm I'm gonna hold your hand, but also there needs to be a fair exchange. Speaking of, if I want to, if I'm a hot girl listening to this podcast episode, and I wanna find you. How do I do that?

Elyse:

Okay. So I have an Instagram. My company is called Burning Pure. You can also email me at burningpure@gmail.com. The website is also burningpure.com. It is something that I came up with in a moment of you know those moments where you're, like, banging your head on the bathroom wall, and you're like, I can't fucking do this anymore. Like, I have no idea what is next, and you, like, ask for support. That is the moment that I came up with Burning Pure because I realized that there was so much I wanted to do, but I needed a vehicle in which to do it. Right? I created, like, 7 other companies before the one that I currently own. Yeah. But In that, I discovered something beautiful, which is that when you can borrow someone else's belief in you, you can create.

Lia:

Yes. You just need someone else to believe in you for a little while. Yep. Like, you don't have to do it all by yourself. You can have someone else. I like to think about borrowing the energy from my future, more successful self as well.

Elyse:

Mhmm. I read letters to myself all the time. I'm like, future Elyse, can you tell me how beautiful I am? Can you tell me, like, what I look like today? Can you tell me what kind of clothes that I'm wearing? What kind of flowers are my house?

Lia:

Can we talk about the car that I have now in the future that I love. Dream car. I've changed my dream car so many times. I don't even know. Tell me. 

Elyse:

And I don't know why, but something that's coming up for me is, like, You may not even realize you're in resistance because you may not be willing to have a mirror in your life to show you that you're in resistance. So if you're being attracted to this podcast or if you're being attracted to wanting something different in life, there's a reason.

Lia:

Yes. Yes. I had this epiphany the other day, and I had to tell my partner because it made me angry, but, also, it was great. Because so I've had, and for the hot girls that are listening, y'all know y'all know the dating has been wild the past 10 years. And, I've had a succession of boyfriends that were relatively serious that always ended with, like, “You challenge me, and I can't rise to the occasion. Like, you you put too much pressure, and you expect too much.” And I'm like, I The only expectations I have for you are the ones I have for me, and you can't. Fucking. Then get out of my house. – Yeah. – Get get… You know where the door is. But it's like, why are we in the places that we're in? Why are we with the people that we're with? Why are we in these situations? And I sat down with Scott and I was like, I now have a much better understanding of why those guys were so frustrated and upset. “I was like, you push me to raise my expectations of myself, which are very high, but you push me to push me to be better, And that shit is annoying, but, god, I love it.” So it's like, yes. The resistance is this, like, ugh. Like, leave me, leave me alone. And it might be your internal self. It might be that you found yourself in a community where you are being challenged and pushed to grow.

Lia:

And it's annoying, and it's hard, and it's scary, and you might start self-sabotaging and withdrawing from relationships and doing all these things, but, like, to know that you're in resistance is to feel uncomfortable? – Yes. – And if you're uncomfortable and you have been drawn to this episode specifically, and you're uncomfortable with where life is right now? There's a reason. Get on Instagram. Check it out. I just looked up your Instagram. It's very lovely.

Elyse:

Oh thanks.

Lia:

Burning Pure. You can message me. You can message Elyse. We're here. We're hot girls. We're doing it. We're making the world a better place.

Elyse:

And let me say, give yourself the gift too, right, Lia? Because we don't acknowledge all the time, like, everything that we've learned, and I wanna remind you of your gift as well. It's okay to be uncomfortable. It's okay. Listen. The other day, when my boyfriend said to me, why are you still seeking validation from your father? And I was like, get the fuck out of here. I'm like, like, oh, okay. I was like, we're not even having this conversation. I'm going to <inaudible> this out of you. But you have to acknowledge that there's a reason this mirror is showing up for you. There's a reason you're being attracted to this episode, there's a reason why I found you. Right? There's a reason why people click so instantaneously and so well, and it's because you're ready for it. You just may not think you're ready for it.

Lia:

Yes. Oh, I saw this quote the other day. Let me find it. It was, like, affirmations and stuff. It said.

Elyse:

I love your noises. Everyone always tells me I make weird noises, and I'm like, you know what? You don't make enough noises.

Lia:

Right? I blame it on, being a boy mom because I Legit am like, beep boop boop, beep doop. It’s how little boys talk, and I can't help it. Where did, I'll have to find it. How many times…

Elyse:

You best post that shit in the notes.

Lia:

I know. I swear it was oh, here we go. “If I wasn't ready, I wouldn't have the opportunity.” If I wasn't ready, the universe would not have brought me this opportunity if I wasn't ready. And so lucky girl syndrome, bliss magic, trust that shit. The bliss magic. Yes. We bliss luck is a real thing.

Elyse:

We all deserve to be dreammakers, girl. That is life.

Lia:

We're all out here living our bliss life.

Elyse:

And I love it.

Lia:

If you love this episode, and you wanna go follow Elyse, check out her Instagram. You can email her. You can check out her website. You could, I don't know, send smoke signals or a pigeon.

Elyse:

Oh, yes. We will find you.

Lia:

Soon to be Australia. My that's so funny. My first business coach is from Australia.

Elyse:

Oh, I love

Lia:

Love me some Australians. This episode, like all episodes, is sponsored by Lunar Herbals. I have been doing 90-day sobriety. Let me tell you. A couple of days have been super shitty where I got done with some client calls and was like but we're making it We're making it 90 days sober, and so I've been using a lot of the Lunar Herbals, especially the elixir of love. Mix that shit with cranberry juice and a little bit of ginger ale. It's almost as good as wine. So check it out. Check out the show notes for all relevant links, and, I love you all so much. I'll see you real soon. Bye.

Ending:

You have been listening to Master Your Bliss Life. Make sure to check out the show notes for any relevant links and follow Kiera and Lia on Instagram and LinkedIn.